Baby Feet

All There Is Is Hope

In adulthood there is plenty of choice, what we do with our lives that give us fulfillment and growth, who we hang out with and what goals we wish to pursue. Yes the choices are endless. However when you are given the diagnosis of being infertile when you desperately want a family you feel the choices have been made for you. Shall you remain childless? Or will you seek a different path.

Your choices involve going down paths that you never in your wildest dreams thought you would undertake and yet now this is the choice if you want children you do it.

I know in the early stages of discussing our predicament, we entered new territory in our hearts and minds did we really need to go down the path of assisted conception? We tried au naturelle first and each month we were disappointed so after a year of failing to fall pregnant we consulted the specialists who gave us more tests and more uncertainty. All we had was hope.

Hope gave us something to cling to, we had each other and we had our dreams of becoming a family and so we poured our emotions, our finances and our hope into this new path. We had literally no control you surrendered that when you signed on the dotted line, you became a number and you joined the long queue of childless couples in the same predicament. This is when your double life began like a secret agent you lived living two distinct roles, one for work and all was ok and fine and another of a women who would become emotional just at the sight of the injections that were about to come.

That was the way and you just did it, you invest so much on each attempt praying to the gods and the universe bargaining anything you could for a positive outcome. It was sad to be around me during the constant disappointments. My world had fallen and only after my eyes were sore from so much crying and wailing would I start to cling to hope again and the next attempt.

Hope fills those lonely days, makes you believe IT is possible, you know in your heart this will come and you just wait and sit it out. Hope does that to you.

It did for me, and so when you go about your double life and you receive the ultimate news that in fact you are pregnant you do double flips and you hug anybody that is close to you to share the joy and the anticipation of what will be.

Hope does that to you, it did for me.

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Ultrasound

Keep Believing

It is one of those things when you really want a baby and you have the odds stacked against you, it is a monumental wish as you discover obstacle after obstacle. Something so natural can become so clinical as you get your cycle regulated it can take on a scientific approach. For some couples no matter what they do they just cannot fall pregnant, and they take a different path. For the lucky ones we are blessed with carrying a baby and then life really begins, so to speak. As we have placed so much on hold until this miracle arrives in our arms.

Having faith helps, I believe that being positive and treating your body as your temple by feeding it good fertile foods, exercise, reducing your exposure to toxins,  and  having a good support network will all help you achieve your outcome. Sure there are factors to consider like your medical history and your age. Yes your age has such an impact on fertility, yet you read about celebrities having babies in their mid to late forties and this gives you hope.

Also looking at your environment, having it as toxic free as possible, that can also assist. I don’t mean you should live in a sanitary bubble with face marks and rubber gloves, just some common sense measures like: fewer chemicals around your house, with respect to cleaning products, the make-up you use and including minimizing the use of plastics in the kitchen.

We live in a fast paced world, that is true yet with fertility we need to take our time to get it all synchronized and in harmony, our cycle, our timing, our inner health, and be in the flow that needs to happen. Having stress-free strategies when we feel like a mess and also being kind to ourselves when we eat the wrong foods. It is an emotional journey and it takes us to so many places in our heart, we can become sad at the sight of seeing a pregnant lady or teary when we see our best friend holding her newborn. Infertility does that to you. So no matter what keep believing that your turn will come.

On a personal note, as many of you know we have been trying for number 2 and last week I had my 12 week scan and glad to report all going well. This has been such a wonderful year for us and our little girl will soon have a playmate.

So keep believing.

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Positive Pregnancy Test

My 2WW

So here I am again, playing the waiting game, and officially on the two week wait. Yesterday I went to the clinic for the insemination and it felt weird to be back after so long. It was painless and emotionless, something which I thought I would never encounter after going through so much to even get here. I mean each time you go to the clinic for egg extraction or transfer you feel emotional and think about all the possible scenarios. Yesterday I was a blank sheet, no anxiety or worry. I am at peace, as this is just what we need to do. And so this is our 10 assisted conception attempt, we hit the jackpot with number 9 as you may know, so this one feels completely new, as if this is the first time we have ever had to go through it. The difference is huge, I am now a mummy and my world is a happier place.

I see the world through a different filter now, the pressure is off my shoulders and I am at peace. This time I only had 4 blood tests and one ultrasound, as going through a natural cycle all you need to monitor is the hormones, and check to see how many follicles are growing. This time I will ovulate from the right ovary, imagine knowing such details!

Life continues at its even pace, and sure I wonder what it will be like to be pregnant again, a wonderful feeling, and this time I would be more relaxed about it all as I have a toddler to consider and plus I know what to expect. Yes my 2WW will go quickly that is certain.

Feeling positive and hopeful that my body knows what to do, trusting my body and just letting go.

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