alonesunset

Simple Contentment

We are now half way through September and yes this year has flown by, so glad to have the warmer weather here, I wake up when the sun shines and I can finally pack away the cold winter clothes, for me and the children.. I also think about what will fit next year as I like to give away clothes and have less, this makes it easier to choose what to wear. My life is simple these days, so grateful for that no more waiting for the next phase in my life, to find a husband and have a family. I am living my dream that is true, I created that and designed my life this way; I take full ownership of all my mistakes and what eventually became my reality. Bumps in the road are there to test our path and what we really want. Children came to us later in life and this weekend passed just confirmed how wonderful it all is, they are my light and sun combined my total world, besides my husband of course! How happy I am to fuss over them and think about their needs and how they have developed how their unique personalities are shining through and wonder how they will approach the next stage.

I feel exhausted, that is correct, most mothers can vouch for that, but so contented. I know I need to balance my time to give love to self and give me time to replenish my love tank, I so need that too, so it can overflow to them and others close to me. Being present and mindful my constant reminders to be in the moment, which most of the time I am. I feel that every night my memory is erased and I wake up fresh and ready to go again the next morning no left over feelings from the previous day, a clean slate so to speak. This way I can approach the new and give thanks to what lies ahead of me. That is my simple plan.

We all reach a point in our lives where we need to assess where we are and are we happy there? If we are disconnected with our true path, then it will show, on your health your relationships and most importantly in the mirror your face, be honest with yourself and take ownership of your well-being, prioritize what is important, you owe it to yourself to find your bliss.

It is all worth it just keep at it and try again tomorrow wholeheartedly.

If you are not sure of what you really want, contact me for a customized discovery session, you need to make that first step towards your happiness.

I am here for you.

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Your Fertility Coach

Today I want to talk about keeping your balance whilst on the Trying to have a baby journey. No matter how long you have been working on having a baby, this challenge will test you and for many, I know as I was one of them, you will be completely consumed by this goal, nothing else will matter, you will neglect other areas in your life like relationships, and perhaps your own health. So let’s talk about where you are right now. Perhaps you are..

• Just starting out and you may not know what the next step is, keep trying naturally, have more tests done, or just get a GP referral and consult a Fertility Specialist.
• You maybe already trying with IVF , have had a negative result and waiting to go again.
• You feel like you are keeping a dark secret as no one at work or in your family knows what you and your partner are going through
• You feel overwhelmed and lost and wondering when will you finally fall pregnant.

There are so many stages to this infertility marathon, you need to learn to pace yourself whilst taking good care or you.. Here are some of my 10 Tips for keeping it together during this ‘testing time’

• 1) Take time for your significant relationship, talk, cuddle, cry together and remember you both have feelings and emotions about what you are embarking on together, you are a team

• 2) Nurture yourself, get a massage or a manicure something for you, treating yourself makes you feel better and gives you back some ‘me time’ instead of just thinking about all those possibilities.

• 3) Make a plan and stick to it, if you have set a time limit or financial limit on how many attempts you will undergo, keep this in mind. You will get over this phase just keep it real.

• 4) Be honest with what needs to happen, if you are looking down the path of donor eggs/sperm/embryo, think about what this really means for you as a couple and how you have decided to create your family. We all have our limits. What is realistic for you?

• 5) Keep a journal, this is your personal account of what you are going through, each day will bring different challenges and also write down each day what you are grateful for. It is important to keep positive even when this is testing you to the limit. Each day give thanks for something, the warm sun rays on your face, the special note your partner left you, the coffee you shared with a good friend, etc. Find just something each day and this will help you keep focused and mindful of what the day brings.

• 6) Give yourself a break if you haven’t come up for air and are completely in the “fertility bubble’ STOP and take time out. This will enable your body to recover from whatever treatments you are undergoing and give you time to reassess the situation.

• 7) If you are finding hard to keep positive and balanced in other areas in your life, seek out professional help, a fertility coach has been in your shoes and completely understands your situation. Have a chat and off load some of the weight you have been carrying.

• 8) Find a support group, there are so many around, on FB, online forums, at your fertility clinic, find a group of women who share your journey with, this helps to lighten the load and to compare notes and ideas.

• 9) Create a Baby Vision Board. Collect pictures of babies and paste these on your board, feel the feelings of having this come true. Whatever you do keep positive that your dream of being a parent will be realised.

• 10) Keep believing, there are so many ways to create a family these days, explore all your options.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have found some useful tips, if you would like more information or would like to contact me, please do so, you are not alone.

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Fertility Numbers

As you prepare your body for pregnancy you can easily get caught into over analyzing all those statistics and what your numbers mean. For instance your ovarian reserve sure this is an important figure to have good stats. After all you need healthy eggs for creating your family. However these numbers are just that, there is so much more to your overall health to consider. Only yesterday reading about someone’s’ egg retrieval procedure she only got 6 eggs collected and she was devastated, again she had high expectations and it is only natural to feel this way. It only takes one good egg to create life, given the sperm are healthy too of course! Sperm Analysis tests are overwhelming to say the least, how many million viable sperm, motile sperm, those all important numbers, and if he does a detailed analysis, what about the DNA Fragmentation Index, all this impacts probability to fertilize the egg. Fortunately sperm rejuvenate after 70-90 days, so there is always hope these numbers will/can improve next time round. Numbers are everywhere, your age and what his can mean, your BMI, your blood pressure, your hormone levels and the list goes on. And if you go through IVF you will be hit with more figures and what they could ‘potentially’ mean.

All I want to say is this, they are not the total picture of you, you could be 25 years old or 40 and have similar challenges, age sure impacts fertility that is a given, however you can do something about it, keep healthy and know your limits. Radically change your diet, eliminate processed foods, sugars, caffeine and ensure you are keeping up your exercise regime. Reduce stress, learn to sit still and meditate, do gentle yoga, and practice positive visualization techniques look into Eastern medicine and how they can complete traditional medicine, like Reiki, Network Care, Massage and Acupuncture to name a few. There is so much more you could learn and do for your fertility. You know your body so make sure you keep searching for answers and ask questions of your professional team.

So please do not over analyze those numbers, they just show your residual health in one point in time, keep positive that you will get through this phase and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I remember so clearly when we had to take the step towards IVF, I naively thought ok this will result in a baby after all they just put together my egg with my husband’s sperm and presto, science can do what we cannot do naturally and we will be pregnant. Little did I know that there were so many variables, and the deeper we got into the IVF merry-go-round and financial debt, the more I realized that I was getting deeper into sadness and I had less control over my situation and that getting pregnant and staying pregnant was going to be my personal Mount Everest, I had to climb this beast and conquer it, and be the best version of me to make it happen, only I could do that, no one else could take my shoes. So when the embryologists suggested ‘potential egg quality issues’ I dug deeper and focused on my internal health, empowering myself in the process and then we began to explore all viable options. As they say, the rest is history and as I write this tonight I have my active 4.5 year old seeking attention whilst my 6.5 year old daughter cries at a wobbly tooth.

Yes I am here, and we created this. I am grateful for all this oh yes I am.

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Infertility and Me

You most likely already know my story, like yours I was so upset that we could not have children, this vicious cycle stayed with us for over 3 years and in that time, my world came tumbling down. In the day there was no Facebook group to share my misery with. Share my thoughts my concerns and looking for information, this was only 10 years ago. Now social media is everywhere and I am consciously trying to stay as private as I can after all once posted online, these words or pictures can stay forever. So I am aware of what I share and selective who I let into my little world. I’m like that.

If you are still wondering when your baby is coming to you, give thanks to what you already have and know your baby is on the way, be patient, if you are going through assisted conception, ask your doctors all those questions that you are dying to ask, after all it is your challenge and you need to be your best advocate. Empower yourself with information and ask all those in this group, we collectively have so much information we could write a book! (well there is an idea!)

If you have gotten your BFP and now slowly counting the weeks until the next scan, check up, looking at books reading about your wondrous growth, enjoy this time, bond with your baby, relax and nurture yourself and your feet. This time is so precious, and can be filled with anxiety and stress. I know, so just take it one day at a time.

If you have exhausted your current plan and thinking about other options, good explore what is available to you, there are so many ways to create a baby! Be creative and know you are doing this because it is so dam important. Do not give up.

You will move on from this place, you will find peace in your heart and you will have a baby in your arms, I so believe that. That is what kept me going all those years and drinking disgusting Chinese herbs during my cycle. I did it. Now 10 years on, I see my children and every little part of me is smiling and is so grateful, they are me in so many ways and sometimes I think , geez I am so selfish I created little people like me! They are so different and yet so alike, they know what a battle their mum and dad had to go through to have them, they are now learning how the world works and little by little they will explore their limits and see what a joy everyday can be.
So keep going no matter where you are in the fertility marathon, as my yoga teacher says ‘ you are stronger than you think!’

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Life As We Know It

For many childless couples, facing infertility, life just seems to be at a stand-still. Whilst for others who have gone to create a family cannot remember those times of being just a couple, and having sleep ins. Life as we know it has changed permanently, we have put our desires out there, working at our fertility challenges one at a time, and going about our daily lives in a zombie-like state, just wishing and hoping the miracle child will come to us. Oh how I remember those times, just thinking about it makes me sad, how I aged just being in my inner world, dissecting every bit of medical information, especially after every expensive failed attempt. Combing all information on the internet this was pre Facebook age, I joined all the TTC forums to get a grasp of this monumental challenge. Sure I played the ‘blame-game’ ‘if only I started earlier?” and ‘why is it affecting us?”. This negative energy did not do me any good, in fact it created a rift between me and my wonderful, caring husband, and that was the last thing I wanted.

Life as we know it, had turned sour in my world, and I was just so lonely inside, empty arms and aching heart, there was nothing others could do. I just avoided most people who knew me in that personal way, it just hurt so much.
Then I turned it all around and became more empowered in what we had as options, after all a childless couple has many options, you just need to decide if that is the right thing for you, no judgement just understanding and exploring those areas that you thought you didn’t have before. And so that is exactly what we did.

Today as I rested next to my 4 year old, I marveled at his beauty and his calmness, his delicate features and just rested there wondering how my life has changed. He reached out and kissed me, me realizing that it doesn’t get better than this.

Yes life as we know it, is just marvelous and so joyous, every day counts.

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Connecting with Self

When was the last time you really had a good look at yourself in the mirror? We all tend to live such busy lives that we often neglect ourselves and as a result we miss the opportunity to connect with the most important person. YOU. We serve others before ourselves, ensure all is good in our surroundings and get the bills paid. We create more work for ourselves given the chance thus adding more complexity to the day. No wonder you are tired at the end of the week! You use so much mental energy on this fertility journey it is so exhausting, so to start off National Infertility Awareness Week, here are some tips to create a more balanced YOU:

1. Make sure you find the time to stop and just be in the moment, have a bath once the chores are done.

2. Ensure you exercise at least three week, walking, ride your bike, gym, spin class, Zumba, yoga, swim so many possibilities.

3. Plan your menu at the beginning of the week, so you are not visiting the shops every day, this can waste so much time, have you considered doing online grocery shopping?

4. Be grateful of what you have and what you have created each day. Every morning when my feet touch the soft carpet I give thanks.

5. Have a facial, foot rub, manicure or even a massage once a month, you deserve it.

6. De-clutter your home, this will create more space and more energy giving you more room and simplicity, try it.

7. Do something just for you, go out with friends, husband/wife, alone, just go and feel the space grow, get out of your head and do a fun activity.

8. Eat well and drink plenty of water, carry a water bottle, if you feel thirsty you are already dehydrated.

9. Endeavor to be in the present moment as much as possible, thinking about the past and/ future does not make you aware of the beauty around you.

10. During this week, just do something different, get out of your routine, try something new, cook a new recipe, walk home a different way, say hello to a stranger, find a way to connect with others and this will make you connect with self.

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Visualizing Your Baby

From my collection..written in 2010…

I am sure many of you know about getting into the right frame of mind to have a child, preparing the environment especially your internal one, reducing as much stress as possible and making the space for the miracle. Making sure you are not sending mixed signals like yes I want another, or no perhaps not. Or shall we look at donor options or keep using my eggs/sperm. Another tool I use to create my goal is doing a vision board. I cut photos or pictures from magazines that appeal to me and add this to a vision board or book. Once done I look at it and my mind takes me to those places, having what I pasted on that board. I smile.

Earlier this year I got together with some like-minded women who like me are self employed and dynamic. As we juggle so much in our daily lives and want more. We all took old magazines and started our search for images that resonated with us. For me my goal was to get pregnant with number two, so I found images of pre-natal yoga, images of the sea, outdoor holidays and babies, one photo I still recall was a big clock and inside the clock instead of numbers were little newborn babies. This struck a chord with me as I was approaching my 42nd birthday and knew this was my main priority this year.

Doing this exercise put me in the feeling of being there, I still have a board I did back in 2005, and so happy to report most of those things are now part of my life. I do yoga, I have been on holidays to wonderful places, and I create my day with my business, have balance and have a family. Visualizing this makes it real in your subconscious and you are in that feeling place that this is coming towards you. See it like asking the universe for these wonderful things/experiences, being specific of what you really want and not being afraid to ask. You deserve it right?

I know you desperately want a baby, believe me so did I, and I didn’t stop until I had her in my arms, and now 22 months later we are having our number two, sure I am older and I can see more grey hairs coming, but It is important for me to keep visualizing that all will turn out for the best and I can keep my energy levels high. After all I did ask for this to be my life and every day I am just so grateful.

Keep believing.

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Let Go

(Written in 2010 when trying for no#2)

Well the wait is almost over, and I know that this time we were not so fortunate. A woman can tell and I guess my body was not ready this time.  Even though my blood test is tomorrow I know. I feel calm about it actually when I realized that this was not it, I was sad sure and a little disappointed yet just looking at her beautiful face made me feel on top of the world again. For that I am grateful and I covered her in kisses in gratitude. Being her carer and her teacher is the best thing ever.

No one can tell you how wonderful parenthood is until you have children. It is like that little secret only those who enter that world will know.  She brings sunshine into my day and makes me smile with every little thing she does. I am in awe of her. How clever she is, how she looks at things and processes it, how she stares out and really focuses on it. It is amazing being part of her life, a privilege for sure.  I am a witness to her being and her contribution.

So I am ok with the negative result this time, we have a few more chances left and I will keep optimistic and then just surrender to the universe, what will be will be. I am at peace.

I have accomplished so much in my life already that I am eager to get to the next place, more learning, growing, sharing and contributing. I have decided that we live in such a materialistic world yet we do not need to embrace it wholeheartedly to be really happy, that is just superficial in my eyes. The inner happiness comes from within and radiates out, so I need to keep on my flow of energy and just be humble and grow from that, creating each day with purpose, intent and connection.

The rest will follow, it always does.

Being authentic is not difficult, you just need to stop, be honest with your values and then just follow them like your compass bearing. Sure we get conflicting messages sometimes; they are there to test us to ensure we are being true to ourselves. So it makes you realize of what you want and keep focusing on that, unlike focusing on the pain and what you do not want, giving energy to that just creates more of that so, keep being positive instead.

Simplistic I know, yet it works, why make things harder than they are?

Let go and things happen, that is my lesson for the day.

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Internal Stock Take

Written in 2010..

As I approach another birthday I am gauging what I have accomplished in the last year. This is a good time to take stock and do an internal inventory of all my successes, lessons and what still waits. The year has started well for us in so many levels and for that I say muchas gracias. We are still working towards the baby goal, and in my heart I know this little person is coming towards us, I can feel it.  So we have put it out there and we just wait.

In all honesty I have also done some mind shifting, my attitude is much more relaxed, as I have embraced my new role as mother, I can see myself letting go of the small stuff and finding myself laughing more. I guess with sleep deprivation and all that is new to new parents, I was too intense and laughter was one of those things I forgot to do!

Now I can have the intention to keep my routine and be ok with chaos if need be, relaxing can do that to you, so watch out!

When you take stock of your last year in detail and see the growth in your world I am so amazed at how wonderful and abundant it all is, just from where I am sitting. Little things I notice in the environment, I catch a glimpse of the last sun rays from our balcony and I smile at all that happened in the day for us. Each day bringing a new learning, new growth and for me more sharing and connecting. I have the best job in the world, how lucky am I?

 Written today 20th March 2015…

Now I am five years older and my approach hasn’t changed that much, my children continue to surprise me on so many levels, they also test me, and that is good, it is part of their being, if they didn’t test me I would be worried!. I am also placing more energy on keeping healthy and being more mindful, combine this with inner peace and I am in a great place.

Getting older is a perception of the mind you can choose to be that number or continue to see the world through younger eyes. If you are on the fertility journey best you have a younger lookout as this too will help you in your quest to conceive and to enjoy the rest of your life with your future children. So be that person today, change what needs to change so you are living congruent with your values and your desires.

Taking stock gives you perspective, so do it annually at least to ensure you are living your life fully in every possible way. Learn from your mistakes, promise yourself that you will move on from them and not repeat the pain.

Be in the present and in your current emotion, if it is not serving you, then watch it dissipate as it moves away from you and in its’ place a feeling of letting go.

Basque in the successes and the new relationships in your life, tell people you care. Show love and connection and see how others too will follow suit.

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Love The World

A client of mine has a new saying ‘I love the world’ as she achieved a major goal in her life and all was finally going her way. What a great attitude to have. When you vibrate from this space only good things happen, how true is that? If you achieve what you set out to do then it is natural to feel good and for some people like my client they just want to hug and love everybody! They want to share their happiness with anybody who will listen and shout it from the roof tops!

Success is sweet that it true especially if you have gone through so much to finally get there the journey does test you in ways you never thought possible. Yet you persisted and you overcame each obstacle even to the point of getting into more financial debt, it also tested your relationships, your mental state, your physical being as you injected hormones after hormones hoping to harvest more viable mature eggs. You did this because this was the way to your miracle,  you knew it was all worth it and the result was all worth it.

How I can relate to you, sometimes you wonder in your midst of madness determination you question if this is the right way? This sheer madness takes you in directions that no one had gone before (well this is what it feels like!) yet you trust your instincts and your inner voice because the alternative is not an option. This is how I felt during our multiple IVF attempts, kept going one after the other hoping desperately that it would work. You tried everything out there, you felt compelled to try, you had no other choice, as you researched on forums all about your ‘condition’ your hope was still there, after every failed cycle you got yourself up the next day, ready to do something else. It consumed you because it mattered so much, and it still does.

You cannot go back you must solider on and pursue this with unrelenting passion at each step. Stopping is not an option, you cannot fathom being childless, it is not the image you have for you and your partner.

How sweet it is to love the world as you embrace your prize.

Your face aches from so much smiling and you feel so alive and grateful that all your wishes have come true, a worthy winner that is for sure. Because you have run your personal marathon, you are now at the other end and cannot wait to start your new life.

Today 10 years on, you still look at her face, in awe how this wonderful, intelligent and beautiful child is so much a part of you, she tests you on so many levels as she discovers the world, and you now her mentor, her guide in life, so grateful for your life is forever changed.

I love you my sweet children.

Your mum xox

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